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Continuing our ventures into conversations about sex education and sexual health, we sent one of our staffers to interview a friend. This time, we discuss the sex education, and the pleasures and challenges of sex with a 30 year old straight woman.
Most of my sex education was from school. I only remember 2 events - the first was sex ed in Grade 5. Grade 5 was really young, so it was just talking about… girl and boy parts. There was also a demo of putting a condom on a dildo.
The second was Grade 10. This one was memorable because the teacher actually shared her own experience. She said it was important to not sleep with someone too early in the relationship and to wait until the window period for STIs are over to get tested. This was so much more realistic. No one was preaching / insisting on abstinence, but practicing safer sex.
I am sure there was probably another presentation somewhere about all the STIs
We talked about periods, but not much about sex. I just didn’t expect it from my parents given I come from an Asian background. And honestly, I am so thankful for that. I can’t even imagine my parents giving me the talk. I don’t think the lack of the talk negatively impacted my sexual health. But talking about sex is something I would definitely do for for my kids. They unfortunately will have to sit through an awkward conversation with me.
I had a lot of anxiety and shame about my lack of experience. I was 26, and I thought to myself “Oh I’m too old to be a virgin”. I felt like even revealing that to potential partners was difficult, and I would get judged for it. Thankfully, my first time was with someone was very accepting and didn’t make it into a thing.
The actual event was… this stereotypical story of doing it and then just like… oh. It was nice but wasn’t mindblowing.
It’s funny that I had so much anxiety about sex. Now, it’s just this really normal part of my life.
For me, there’s definitely a learning curve with sex. So while sex is really pleasurable now, I haven’t orgasmed yet. Orgasming would be easier if I knew my body better and masturbated more. Like if I can’t figure it out, how can I expect my partner to magically figure it out? It’s weird because I think society puts a lot of pressure on the guy to give the girl an orgasm. It doesn’t help that porn makes it look so easy and that the women are like hyper turned on and moaning even though they aren’t being touched anywhere close to the clitoris.
But when I first started having sex, I definitely had the expectation that the guy was supposed to know more than me and to get me to orgasm. My partner was more experienced than me, but not super experienced either. So back then, there was a bit more blame, cause I was expecting him to figure it out. I was so focused on getting an orgasm that sex became less fun. I was getting frustrated with him and with me.
That’s when I had the change of perspective. I knew that a lot of women have trouble orgasming. And I reminded myself that I was already late to the game so it’s going to take me a while to get there. The good thing is that I’m not afraid to talk to my partner about what feels good, but also letting him know when things are getting better or not. Right now, I am satisfied with the sex that I am having.
I don’t think I’ll be OK if I don’t experience it. I want to orgasm. Isn’t it something everyone wants to experience? I still get frustrated from time to time. Thankfully, my partner is very supportive and I know he cares about getting me there.
On my own front, I’ve tried vibrators and I subscribed to omgyes that teaches people how to have an orgasm. When I masturbate, the pleasure builds and builds, and then I just get numb to the sensation. Sigh. It’s a work in progress. I also know that I am not spending enough time on exploring on my own. I wasn’t taught that “touching myself is bad”, but for me, the urge to masturbate doesn’t come very often. Maybe a couple times monthly?. That was true even when I was single.
I think sex education was helpful in my sexual health. I made sure that I was protecting myself against STIs and pregnancy.
But sexual health is not ALL that there is to sex.
Honestly, it’s too bad that sex ed didn’t teach about pleasure. We didn’t learn about the clitoris or the glans. Obviously, people are having sex for pleasure so wouldn’t it be important to learn about it? But I get it. I am very liberal, but I can see that some parents might be offended if pleasure was included. It might be seen as encouraging sex to some. Still, sex is a part of life right?
We love to talk sex with you! Share your story and help us bust the stigma around sex and sexual health. Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Proud of your sex? Show your vagina pride with this super cute phone case adorned with little vaginas! It looks great from afar, and adorable up-close.